“Tonya, can you tell me who the President is?”

“Tonya, do you know what day it is?”

“Tonya, do you know where you are?”

Questions are being rapidly fired from the group of nurses who are ripping my clothes off and getting me positioned in the hospital bed as quickly as they are able. I remember that Biden is the President and that I am in the hospital, but as for the day, I do not know, nor do I care.

The last thing I remember is that Korey and I were going to the supply house to pick up some hair spray when our phones made a horrible rackit!  Kinda sounded like an Amber Alert. There it was in text that is every parents biggest fear, Wyatt, our son, has been in a critical accident, first responders have been notified. WHAT. THE. HELL.  I immediately called Bella, his girlfriend, as if she would not be hurt as well in the crash. 

My hands shook as I tried to dial the number and time stood still as the phone started to ring.  It only took one ring before she answered, she knew why I was calling immediately and answered with, “We are fine! There was no wreck, Wyatt left his phone on the roof of the car!”

My heartbeat began to slow, I had the phone on speaker so Korey and I could both hear the news at the same time.  He was praying as he was driving to the parking lot for the kids to be safe, God is good, it was just the phone.  Before we hung up we told them to call the non-emergency number to get the first responders in route canceled and and took a big sigh of relief. I don’t remember when it happened or why.  Just snapshots.  We pulled onto the road by McDonalds by the supply house.  We are happy the kids are alive and were not in an accident.

Then whammo!  Blackness is all around me. I go in and out of consciousness and Korey is shaking me as he is driving and trying to hold my head up.  I am puking all down the front of me.  WHAT IS HAPPENING!  Then the truck violently stops and Korey jumps out of the drivers seat and rips my door open.  “I got you”  I don’t know if he really says it, but I feel it.  He took my nasty sweatshirt off, and helped me out of the truck.  We are at the hospital.

In all the panic we were at the wrong door, but I was put in a wheelchair and pushed into the ER.  This is where the vast assault of 50 questions and no answers began.  I usually like trivia games, however, this time, not so much.  I had a seizure.  I have never for sure known my triggers seeing how I am an “Epileptic Newbie”  at the young age of 46 but if  I had a guess it would be stress.  After this day, I believe that is accurate.

The ER could not do much for me, but I was in the right place if I ran into trouble.  They went straight to work drawing my blood and hooking me up to an IV to give me fluids.  I also got the delight of having all the sticky pads put all over my chest to make sure my ticker was ok.  They were thorough and wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I was going to be ok before sending me on my way.  If I endured any other tests I don’t remember them, I can blame my after seizure amnesia.  After getting the ok to go home I got a parting gift of paper towel scrub pants since mine were splattered with puke.  I was happy they were clean and I could go home looking like a fashionista once again.

I have Tonic Clonic seizures, formally known as Grand Mal.  I lose all consciousness, sometimes to lighten the mood I also have also been known to compare myself to a fainting goat.  I have no idea when they are coming, and they just started last March.  My Neurologist has no idea why this has happened to me, he says we may never know.  I see the best, at least I think so, we drive 4 hours up to The Cleveland Clinic to their Epilepsy Center.  It is well worth the drive and they have taken such great care of me and got me in when the doctors here in Indianapolis wanted me to wait MONTHS before being seen……uh no.

The biggest challenge this diagnosis has brought to me is my independence being stolen.  I could not drive for 6 months after my last seizure.  This left a hole in me, I am independent, almost at an unhealthy level.  The only person I like to rely on is my husband.  I have trust issues.  This latest seizure has torn my independence from my grasp again.  Lucky for me, my mom and my new boss are my Uber drivers for now.  I appreciate it more than they know.  It is hard for me to depend on anyone.

In total, since last March I have had 4 seizures. The first one, I was alone and joked that I had one, not knowing that this was a new chapter for myself. There is no family history, no head trauma, nothing!   Two others were at home while I was working. I woke up with strangers in my living room as I was crawling to the couch.  Memories are sporadic, some gone. 

Amnesia is expected, so I am told.  I raged about it at first.  Then I remembered Ruby.  I used to take care of a lady named Ruby who would get ready every day in her Sunday best.  She would pack all her clothes in her suitcase and wait for her son, who was never coming to pick her up.  She would do this EVERY DAMN DAY,  Here I am whining about a few lost memories, when I could be like Ruby.  Perspective I guess.

Epilepsy has affected my blog and traveling as well.  I had to quit my high stress job with the 5 weeks vacation and high pay for something a little more manageable.  My new job is great, but little vacation time and half the pay. So big trips have been paused for now. 

The Gadabout is not done though, I am planning to do a state park series that reviews Indiana state parks, so please stay tuned for that.  It is gonna be an exciting spring and summer so don’t forget to check in from time to time. Travel does not have to be hours away, sometimes it can be right out your back door, just as long as you get out there!

Happy Travels!

If you need further assistance for help with Epilepsy please see the links below:

The Epilepsy Foundation

Epilepsy Alliance America